I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
