Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
