70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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