I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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