I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
