He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
