Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
