We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
