I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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