There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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