I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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