he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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