Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
