He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
