True but thats because hes a fetus.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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