I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
vagina is talking i cant
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize