She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
