dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize