Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
