There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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