Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
