i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize