My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
