is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
