Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
