Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
