question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
