Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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