So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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