i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
