I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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