I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
