I just saw a hot homeless man
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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