those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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