this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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