Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
