Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
