Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
