FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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