a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
