He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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