Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize