I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
