If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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