Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
