i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
