You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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