Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
