did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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