I think I just saw someone hide a body.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
