U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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