i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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