So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
