he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
