He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
