She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Michael Bay diarrhea
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
