I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
