You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
