can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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