i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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