ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
