Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
