last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
