So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
